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Saturday, January 10, 2009

To everyone who is wondering about me.

One last post before my blog goes private, so if I don't have your e-mail please leave it.
Thanks for the calls, texts, letters and prayers.


Here is a letter i wrote to my brother that will explain what is going one.
Jake,
Hey Brother! Well were having a BOY! I wish I could say I was super excited! I was but the excitement soon dimmed. On Wednesday I got a call from my doctor and my life has been sad since. The doctor told me that part of the baby’s brain was missing and that I would need to go to a specialist. The were unable to find the lower part of the brain stem in my ultra sound. Every movement we make or thing we do relates to this. Every function travels the pathway from the brain to spinal cord or to spinal cord to the brain. Without the brain stem none of those functions can work. We have to go to a specialist on the 26th to see everything that is going on. I am not sure what to feel. I keep thinking that I did something to make this happen. One thing is I have the most amazing parents in the world. From the time they found out they were here for me, They drove to my home to bring me Maddox. Jared and dad gave me a blessing. I am not sure what is in store for us until the 26. We will name our baby boy Tyson Jared Thomas. They moved our due date back to June 10 so you will be home. Don’t be concerned about us you mind needs to be on your mission. I will keep you updated. All things will work out. At least I am trying to believe that. I also started school this week. Not excited to be back at it. It will be all good though. On a happy note Chloe is finally 90%% percent potty trained. It is fabulous. I am proud of her. In the mist of all the heart ach and sadness I feel she make me happy. She is constantly telling me all day. “Mommy I Love YOU”. It is truly the best thing in the world to have children.

The last week has been hard, I have an appointment at the U of U fetal and diagnostic center with a perinatalogist their. I keep thinking that maybe everything will be okay and it will be a a miracle and the brain stem will developed. I do know that if it does not, I will carry my baby full term and maybe only get to spend a few hours with him. You can not survive without a brain stem. My heart is full with gratitude with lovely people in my life. The last couple of days I have been barley able to function. I felt so numb and just wanted to lay in bed. My sweet parents drove down and brought me dinner the day I found out. My sweet neighbors megan and sarah also brought my family dinner when I needed most. They will never know how much that means to me. This little guy inside me has had problems from the beginning, I have only had one appointment that I was normal and fine to leave. I have had 4 ultrasound and everyone has had some sort of issues. He did look pretty cute in the ultrasounds. The worst part of it all, being in nursing school learning about fetal development and having the first two months clinical on labor and delivery. I just might lose it. The poor nurse I am with will think I am crazy. For now all I can do is have faith and pray. I will get through this. I will keep you all updated. Sorry if I have not answered your calls I have ot felt like talking.

22 comments:

the jensens said...

jessica, this is jacie conger from high school. i am so so sorry to hear this. i know theres nothing anyone can say to make you feel better but i just wanted to tell you that you and your family are in my prayers.

Kami said...

Jess,

Oh my dear sweet Jessica! I wish that I was there to hug you and just let you know how much I love you! Oh darling, I just know what to say, but know that I love you and am thinking of you and your sweet family. Please let me know if I can do anything for you or if you ever need to talk to someone I'm here! I know that you are strong and that the Lord blesses us in our trials. You are in my thoughts and prayers...always know that!

Claire Evenson said...

Jess,

You are an amazing mother, wife, friend and daughter of God. I'm so proud of you and all that you've done in your life. You have a great attitude about everything. I'm so glad you have such wonderful parents. I don't live next door, but if I did I'd be there in a second, but I am only a drive away if you need anything. I know its hard sometimes to ask for help, but that is what I'm here for. I LOVE YOU and of course you are in my prayers.

Jaci said...

Love you Jess. You are an angel of a mother. This little boy is so lucky to have YOU as his mommy. I am praying for you. I can't imagine how hard of a time this must be. If I can do anything at all to help, I'd love to. Please let me know. I know that Heavenly Angels are watching over you and your family.

All About Us said...

I am so sorry for this!! You are a sweat little mom. You do have sweat parents. Parents don't like to see their children go through things like this. Your family is in our prayers. I would like to be a member of your blog though please invite me!! keep us posted on the babe.

Melissa said...

Oh Jessica. I am so so sorry!! Its a little late to run down to you, but I just feel awful. I had no idea. I mean, you said you had had 4 ultrasounds but I didn't realize it was this serious. Oh, you sweet, sweet girl. I know our Heavenly Father has a plan!!! Please let us help you in any way! Dinner, Chloe... Austy would love that. Anything you need.

Steven and Kimberly said...

Jessica I am so sorry, and in a way I understand. I lost one at 13 weeks, and it was the hardest thing for me...I didn't want to see or talk to anyone, go to church, I just didn't understand and felt I did something wrong. I know that we don't know each other too well, but if you need anything, anything at all, let me know. Please add me to your private list...moonerj1@gmail.com.

Tashina said...

Jess, I am so sad that you are having to go through this right now. But, something that my mom always reminds me when I am going through trials is that the Lord never gives us more than we can handle. So, He must know how strong and brave you are!! I love you to death, and am praying for you everyday! Please, please let me know if you need ANYTHING!!

Jaci said...

please add me to your blog list. thanks Jess.
jaciudy@gmail

Jen said...

Hey Jessica. I'm so sorry hear about your little one! It's so hard to understand the "why" behind some things, but remember that your Father in Heaven loves you and knows you and will not leave you alone. Please know that you are in our prayers!
~Jen and Chad Jarvis

JoDee and Celee said...

Hey doll face, I sent you a little e-mail.. I love you and you better add me to your blog list! celeeramsdell@msn.com

Blake,Amber,& Addi Morgan said...

Jess,
There is nothing I can tell you that you dont already know. But is all I can say is that everything happens for a reason and as bad as this is its happening to you because heavenly father knows that YOU can handle it. You are in my prayers. I hope everything goes ok. Keep me posted. roche_03@hotmail.com. PS you better be taking notes on the potty training thing I am going to need them. :)

Ashley Clark said...

Jessica I truly am sad to hear this. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. No words can heal your pain. But as I read this I thought to myself what heartache but what a blessing. I know you don't want to hear that but I hope you recognize that it is. I think you are truly amazing and I wish you only the best. I also feel it might be a blessing to have the knowledge you do about health and fetal development. I pray that somehow this may ease your pain. You are definitely in our prayers. May that sweet baby bring you all the blessings he can.
"Things aren't as bad as they seem. It will all work out, it always does."-President Hinckley

Bry and Meliss said...

Jessica,
I hadn't read this until today, I saw you at church and didn't have any idea the pain you are going through. I'm so sorry for your struggle, my goodness. You are such a sweetheart and I know everything will work out the way it is supposed to. We will keep you and your family in our prayers. PLEASE let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do to help you out. I am more than willing to step in wherever I can. God Bless you-you're such an angel!

Bry and Meliss said...

Oh yeah, I would love to follow your blog if you're ok with that. My email is melis1083@hotmail

Dustin and Natalie Carruth said...

Jessica, I am so sorry... My love and prayers are with you and your family. Know that you are loved and that if you ever need help, it's there for you. My email address is natalie.carruth@gmail.com.
hugs.

Chantel said...

Hey Jessica, This is Chantel. I just want you to know that I know what you are going through. Even though my little boys problems were different from yours, I still feel your pain. There are really no words to explain how you feel. We must keep in mind that there is a reason to everything, even though we may not know what it is. But I do know for a surety that our Father in Heaven has plcaed this little boy in your care because he trusts you with him. It takes a special person to be able to deal with certain problems. I know this to be true and I know that I was chosen for a special reason also. You and your family are in our prayers and we think about you often. Hang in there.

Kristen Archer said...

I'm so sorry. You are so brave. Know that you are in our prayers here too.

Erin said...

You are so brave! I wish I had the perfect words to comfort you. I can hardly comfort myself as I cry now. We really think you guys are so fun and such great neighbors. We would love to have Chloe come over. Just have Jared call us anytime. And remember. You are never really alone. Love, The Andersons crandergirl@yahoo.com

hillarie said...

Jessica-
My heart hurts for you and Jared. Eric was so broken up when I told him. He sends his love and prayers. I'm so happy you have family here. I will be over to steal Chloe, you can count on it. Although I am sure her sweet face is a welcome distraction. Please, any hour, any time, I am here. Bored and available.

OnlyAMemoryRemains said...

Jess this is Carli Misrasi. I am so sorry to hear about your little guy. Please know that you are in my prayers. I would love to keep in touch with you my email is car_bug2000@hotmail.com.

lizy_girl said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. I can't even imagine. He must be one special little guy. If you ever need anything please let me know. I know Kelty would love to play with Chloe, or if you need food or anything.