One last post before my blog goes private, so if I don't have your e-mail please leave it.
Thanks for the calls, texts, letters and prayers.
Here is a letter i wrote to my brother that will explain what is going one.
Hey Brother! Well were having a BOY! I wish I could say I was super excited! I was but the excitement soon dimmed. On Wednesday I got a call from my doctor and my life has been sad since. The doctor told me that part of the baby’s brain was missing and that I would need to go to a specialist. The were unable to find the lower part of the brain stem in my ultra sound. Every movement we make or thing we do relates to this. Every function travels the pathway from the brain to spinal cord or to spinal cord to the brain. Without the brain stem none of those functions can work. We have to go to a specialist on the 26th to see everything that is going on. I am not sure what to feel. I keep thinking that I did something to make this happen. One thing is I have the most amazing parents in the world. From the time they found out they were here for me, They drove to my home to bring me Maddox. Jared and dad gave me a blessing. I am not sure what is in store for us until the 26. We will name our baby boy Tyson Jared Thomas. They moved our due date back to June 10 so you will be home. Don’t be concerned about us you mind needs to be on your mission. I will keep you updated. All things will work out. At least I am trying to believe that. I also started school this week. Not excited to be back at it. It will be all good though. On a happy note Chloe is finally 90%% percent potty trained. It is fabulous. I am proud of her. In the mist of all the heart ach and sadness I feel she make me happy. She is constantly telling me all day. “Mommy I Love YOU”. It is truly the best thing in the world to have children.
The last week has been hard, I have an appointment at the U of U fetal and diagnostic center with a perinatalogist their. I keep thinking that maybe everything will be okay and it will be a a miracle and the brain stem will developed. I do know that if it does not, I will carry my baby full term and maybe only get to spend a few hours with him. You can not survive without a brain stem. My heart is full with gratitude with lovely people in my life. The last couple of days I have been barley able to function. I felt so numb and just wanted to lay in bed. My sweet parents drove down and brought me dinner the day I found out. My sweet neighbors megan and sarah also brought my family dinner when I needed most. They will never know how much that means to me. This little guy inside me has had problems from the beginning, I have only had one appointment that I was normal and fine to leave. I have had 4 ultrasound and everyone has had some sort of issues. He did look pretty cute in the ultrasounds. The worst part of it all, being in nursing school learning about fetal development and having the first two months clinical on labor and delivery. I just might lose it. The poor nurse I am with will think I am crazy. For now all I can do is have faith and pray. I will get through this. I will keep you all updated. Sorry if I have not answered your calls I have ot felt like talking.